When others treat you poorly, let it go. Forgive.
As you move on, break the incident down into behaviors–factual elements of the interaction. Commit to do better for when the roles are reversed.
Collect these entries in your own “Delta File:” a collection of the changes you want to be in the world.
My first entry:
When I hold the door open for someone and they look me in the eye and say, “Thank you!” I will not look away with a blank emotional affect and say, “Yep.” I will look back at them and say, “You’re welcome!”
“You’re welcome” takes almost no extra time. I know it feels much better to hear than a dismissive, “yep.”
Thank you, Mark
The idea of the Delta file came to me through Manager Tools podcasts. Mark Horstman has sprinkled references to keeping a “delta file” throughout the casts. For him, it is a list of things you plan on handling differently when you are a manager.
It Will Take Time
I’ve been trying to change my “yeps,” “uh-huhs,” and “no problems” into “you’re welcomes” for a few weeks now. It still comes out a bit forced.
In the mean time I notice that people saying “you’re welcome” does feel different. It feels better.
I’ll keep pushing through this awkwardness. After all, I used to hate to smile. Now I have smile lines. My first wrinkles.
You Will Have More Success
Any one habit aimed at putting others at ease can be argued with. You can’t reasonably argue with the fact that putting people at ease increases your success.
As I’ve learned more and more about the human side of work I am more and more astounded by how logical we aren’t.
Our rational capacity is bounded. Other people can ignore your antisocial habits, but it costs some of their reserves of rational behavior. You want them to find you easy to get along with so that your ideas get that much more attention.
